You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
