I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
