You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
