And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
