I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize