what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
