just tell him i said nine months
thus making me awesome and them whores
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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