thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is my gift to your gina
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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