So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
