Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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