So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
