I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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