my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They are going to name an STD after you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
