You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
