I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
