They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't put those talents on a resume
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
