Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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