the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
