One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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