I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
