I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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