I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
