Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize