I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
