I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
