Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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