We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
