Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
