oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
