Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
