I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
