My liver just broke up with me...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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