Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
