dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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