Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
