Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
