Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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