we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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