The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
