Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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