Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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