I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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