watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
