last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize