The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
