i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
