The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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