i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
