thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
