my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
