I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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