This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
