at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I will die if light touches me.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
