he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
