Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
