Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
