Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
