yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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