There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
