You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
