Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
