can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize