i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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